Something is Amiss

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

well.. today lar.. its today.. exam results were out... not putting in the effort n giving exam a fuck means fail... expected.. well today i dreamt tt i saw a 31 point for my L1R4/5 duno which one i just saw a blur picture of a result list and i saw the point 31... haha... got my results to day... was depressing la... teacher gav 8 papers.. 1 paper made me nervous, 1 paper made me excited... 6 papers brought me all the way back down... woke up late today... didnt made my hair.. haha went to canteen half way saw everyone coming out.. haha.. o well.. not the first time anyway.. then class, 2 papers discouraged me, 1 paper was english, we were only given duno paper 1 or 2 only , no body knew they passed or failed... then nxt 2 paper brought me all the way back down... then nxt paper was bloody chinese.. i was screaming to my friend tt i dont give a damn abt chinese, in the end my chinese got the best marks.. brought me back to earth... but my last chance to hav a comfirm pass was thrown away by science.. 23/50 for chem... chun kiat said tt i still hav a chance if i get 26 for my phy. i was hoping for it... but a 17/50 brought me all the way to hell la... if it was last time... i would get very very depressed.... but wtf is happening to me now? 1 whole day i've been thinking abt this smell tt kept reccuring in my mind... i rmb when i passed by a kopitiam where a man was smoking.. the smell tt kept made me blur blur was the smell of cigarette... i really duno if im addicted to the smell of cigarette la.. i mean...it has really been 15 years of non stop 2nd hand smoke every single day.. 1 brother not at home i lucky... only 2 sticks of 2nd hand per day... but 1 stick per day is alr bad enuf... some more if they all come home... bring guest.. bring friend.. i duno how much 2nd hand i took.... pri sch... even tho very naughty and very rough n violent... but i was able to get a few top lik for science... for chinese oral... since sec 1 till now.. its like... wtf la... only had a social study mini test top... some more tt was an open book test.. we were suppose to get info from textbook.. but i just copied paragraphs.. n teacher gav me good marks... but that doesnt count la! bloody... duno y la.. im getting bad to worse... very very lethargic.. i look just lik my father.. lethargic... sleepy eyes...blur blur.. he smoke lik... 5 or 6 sticks a day la.. n 1 or 2 is infront of me la.. so fucked la..!! things just brought my from earth to hell.. hell to earth again.. n right back to hell... i dont land on hell peacefully.. i was THROWN TO HELL! geezuz la.. alot of ppl was lik pissed bout exam la... not to say tt we dont study well then blame teacher... BUT SERIOUSLY!!! i didnt learn much this year !! the teachers are just rushing thru thinking tt everyone know.. even tho sometimes they know tt we dont know n claimed tt we know la!! n all the bloody crap in this world la.... mosquitoe... haze... terrorism... lik hello la.. "where is the love~~ the love~" XD hahas... well... lucky i had ppl who care for me =] thx to all the ppl who asked me how i was doing... thx to all the ppl who screamed n got pissed at me for saying tt i might retain.. n thx to the ppl who called me stupid for even thinking abt retaining... this words sound insulting... but it was encouraging to me... today went to hall.. had 3 ppl who has been to jail b4 tok to us.. then is lik... they had a worse life than me... so if they can i oso can la.. so i plan tt if i can promote to sec 4n1 nxt year... i will really study with all my heart... well.. during choir i was so high n stuff... n the bloody smell of cigarrette is still in my mind.. even now... makes me so... comfortable... i keep getting near my brother or anyone who smoke... can call me wierd la.. but it smell nice to me... some smoke smell reminded me of my ah gong.. =] i love the smell of my ah gong's smoke... memorable...n wierd... -.- well... whether i can resist myself from doing stupid things lik hardcore smoking... well up to me la.. hope i dont la.. hehe... well aaah the smell is still affecting me laa =.= everytime i sniff my nose the smell comes!! bleahhz... wells... then today choir la.. hmms... was lik as if we were all sec 1s who just came to east spring sec la.. all so... hmm... then Mr Teh wanted me to do extra jumping jet/jack duno how the helll to spell la... for all my life nobody had pronounce it clearly... jetjetjackjack.. all the same when u say it... wadever... then after the movie at the last few lessons... i kept toking abt Little Britain and Pablo Fransisco with abby! haha she is so funny la...MICKEY MOUSE CLUB BOO BOO HOO HOO~ ^^ kekes... well we looked really crazy all the way from sch... to tmart mac... well then after awhil went back choir started... play... pt... Mr teh came.. sing song play along... then he came ... and said.. "nice new specs... hmm.. wad happen to u today ah? hmmm...u usually not so unfocused de leh... hmmm... hows ur exam ah? hmmm... i've seen u with good discipline, u shuld apply that amount of discipline on not only ur studies but everything u do" it was like... AAAHLILOYAAAA... he sounded lik the MYSTIC VOICE in some dumb cartoon where they lik.. *Light of ray shine on me..* AAAH LI LO YAA~ then tok wise craps.. well tt really encouraged me la.. whether i retain or not.. i will still keep the same level of hardwork for my own sake... so... hmmm thx to Mr Teh la.. then after choir went to eat eat go home just now almost fell asleep... so irritated by that stupid fragrant... =,,= well gona play game awhile n go sleep early le.. tmr going temasek poly...haha hope to bump into my bro.. haha NiTeX ZzZz.... Z_z zZz..

missing;9:40 PM

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

about.

Scream of Pain

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merci.