Something is Amiss

Friday, March 30, 2007

hmm.. today can say is... sucky day ba?
school was ok but then choir ... haiss...
i duno wad to do la..
ms lee didnt came for choir coz she was sick.
then we started choir quite late... then nobody listens, out of tune, nvr follow, everyone angry, door slams, fucking ups..
this few chior lessons har... ayia.. all i can say is sometimes i just hav the urge to tak my bag n just go out n nvr come back choir ever again.
i dun wan to scold ppl la.. i just dont lik to scold ...
some more i cant scold with chim chim ang moh words.. i duno how to scold lik ang moh... i must hav vulgure in my sentence if not i mumble...
i can say i suck at being a president la, coz im saying with my concience, im putting in 0% effort, all i think is, wadever la..
n it can b true, i play around during choir, i nvr look at my scores at home, i nvr practice at home, all i do is sometimes think of choir songs only, if not my choir files will nvr b touched until choir days, its the truth, i suck at president, n i appeal to my frens la, if theres anything stupid tt i did not do as a president, just tell me la... coz if not i wont do it..
n somemore becoming president was such a short notice la.. few months ago i still thought "hey joanne is gona come back so y act lik real president when im just acting president?" then how i know things will turn out this way la..
n i can say im not fully commited to the choir at all, i pon, i slack, i hate somethings abt choir la.. im lik wtf la..
so sian la.. i stayed in the choir for my kuku family, i told this to joanne b4...
n this really makes my heart break.. coz when i stay for my kuku family, it really is for them only.. n lik last year... i felt that kuku family is gone... theres no such thing as kuku family alr.. we havent been going out together for such a long time... n everyone is busy with their own stuff.. n i oso told joanne b4, to me at that point, kuku family was my only family, coz that time my parents were quarrel everytime, n i really didnt lik going home, it was lik all i hav were my brothers, i dont hav a proper family, n when even my last bunch of so called "made up family" is gone, im lik some homeless shit la..
i know ppl changes ,but y cant we all just adapt to that change n go on the way it was...?
n since kuku family is long gone, my purpose in choir is gone as well.. but just then i was asked to b a president, i thought it was just for a short while, but now wtf? if i quit wouldnt ppl say im an irresponsible "president?" lik walau i nvr "URGE" to even b the president, so y keep fucking around saying me this n tt? it may b true but hey, wont i feel insulted la? its lik fuck la u say all u want, not happy ah? tak the position la i quit. go b the president la, no nid kpkb
its lik everytime i stand infront of the choir, n they play around, fine they look happy, coz they are my frens, i alone be unhappy coz im not doing my job is ok, its better than the bunch of them being unhappy coz i scold them? rite?
hais..
im also afraid la.. i scold, but then wad if i lose control of myself? n i scold until lik theres no tomorrow?
i dunwan to b tht kind of person, who keeps scolding n put a glum face everyday, i want to b the happy sam, everyone can say, " just scold la"but hey i really dont want la..
im sure everyone in the choir wants to hav a happy time in there n not being scolded again n again n again...
n if it goes on soon ppl will use "i want to quit choir" as a method to threaten the choir, i dun wan to scream about la.. the last time i did during the sec 1 orientation, i just screamed n screamed n screamed.. n then i lost my voice... y shuld i abuse my own voice lik that la? haiss...
duno wad to do la... =/

missing;7:42 PM

Friday, March 30, 2007

about.

Scream of Pain

past.

merci.