Something is Amiss

Thursday, July 12, 2007

The big Question mark on ppl's head are giving me a headache... alamak ppl u all ask me y i nvr go sch for 4 days n u nvr tell the others then they call me 1 by 1 by 1 by 1 by...1...by.. 1...
wellz... the reason for me not going to sch for 1 whole week? i guess is coz my grandmother just passed away.
on 7.7.07 the day the show Live Earth was gona show till i got the news ...
my ah ma had been hospitalised for quite awhile n i havent got the time to go see her... well saying tt would mak me a jerk...
wells.. truth is i havent been really treasuring n cherishing every moment with her.. until that day i saw her lying on the bed , with her eyes closed... i totally went blank... the day b4 was the 1st time i went to see her since she got hospitalised for... i think few weeks? omg rite?
she needed a machine to help her breath properly, n she cant even talk properly, she couldnt recognize me at all tht says how much i havent been visiting her...
wells then my 2nd bro explained to her my identity, at tt moment i really wanted a chance to at least speak to her... i kept trying to engage her in a conversation but she just kept waving her hands asking us to leave n let her rest...
n so we did... the doc say we shuldnt tok to her tht much coz it takes alot from her to even tok...
so i was hoping she would recover n i will straight away go visit her n chat with her 1 whole day...
i guess i was being naive... the nxt day evening 7.7.07, it was quite a nice day until tht evening my big bro got a call, n his girlfriend asked if i wanted to go visit my ah ma, i was pretty tired tt day n i just said no... straight after tt my big bro asked me if i wan to go.. n i ask him y... n he said... "ah ma just passed away lets go see her..."
my mum called me, she say we better not go coz my big bro gf , merissa, she is sensitive to such stuff n will cry, n b4 she passed away, my ah ma said tt she doesnt want to see us cry, but then we went but my bro gf had to stay outside n cannot go in n see her...
at the carpark of alexander hospital my big bro say he wanted to smoke so me n my bro gf waited for him, while waiting i looked upstairs window of third floor...
i saw an old women, i couldnt recognize but she looks lik my ah ma... i saw tht old women waving her hands happily to me... i smiled n she disappeared...
i thought it was wierd coz 3rd floor was filled with tonnes of ppl, if an old women stands there n wave her hands , y would she attracts others attention n mak them look downstairs? reason coz no one saw her...
few days later when i told my mum she say, at tht time when i saw tt old women, is when my ah ma just passed away...
if it was her at the window tt day... i was glad to see her smile...
then we went up... i nearly broke down when i saw her lying there with her eyes shut tight...
n all i said to myself was... "all i want was to tok to u... y didnt u wait for me?"
i just turned around n walk out becoz if knew if i would stay i will cry n they say we are not allowed to cry because tt was wad she say b4 she passed away...
a story of wad happened the day b4.. where my bro gf cry n even my big bro cried too...
when i heard this story my heart was filled with regrets la...
they went n they all stood there, as my ah ma said "u all go, i dont want to open my eyes becoz if i see u all cry, i will cry too, just go.." my mind n heart is filled with tonnes of regrets....
i've been bearing the tears for 4 days... i dont want to cry infront of my ah ma, after tt we left n went to her house to pack her clothes...
n i went on with my big bro n his gf, we went to his office while he work, me n merissa chat in the car , wells... she said alot of touching things... i like chatting wit her coz everything she says i somehow learn alot...
everything makes sense la..
then we went home, at night my mum came home n i slept in her room
i dreamt of my ah ma tt night
she went to every house of my relatives, my uncles,cousins,aunties,my mum n me, she went house to house kissing them by the forhead n bid her goodbye...
i cried in my dreams..
i woke up n didnt go sch on mon, we went to prepare her funeral
it was at pasir ris blk 754
tt morning we went, it was quite boring... as ther was no one..
i ate the kueh ji whole afternoon,evening,night
probably ate 300+ kueh ji then went home, nxt morning tuesday, i woke up with a fever...
went to see the doctor.. then went there with my 2nd bro
then it went on till.. today thursday...
today we prayed for the last time, n then we went to ang mo kio, i forgot wad tt place was called, but its where the bodies are burnt to ashes la...
i stared as the coffin slowly move into the container... :(
all i said to myself was.. "thts it... once it goes it... omg it went in... so fast..."
but i was glad tt i didnt cry n kept my promise to her request
wellz my uncle say tt its lucky to see her... if i was able to see her smiling...i hope she doesnt blame me for not visiting her n b a good grandson... coz she will always be the best grandmother to me... n i love her deeply
during the funeral i kept seeing this black butterfly im thinking tt, thts her watching over us, i think everytime i see a black butterfly, i will think of her..
wellz... hope i didnt spoil ur moods by reading this entry...

wellz one more thing oso
TMR;
my 3rd bro, jason is going to army.... :(
he went to shave his head at the salon today.... -.- waste money y not go there let the uncle shave for free... wells 2 years is a long time... i will really really miss my bro... in 2 yrs time n the nxt 2 yrs after he is out... its gona b my turn :P
hehes... wells.. i hope u guys can give him best wishes :) thts abt all le ba! cyaz all!
i will blog more often le ^_^ i bought jay's phone for 150 bucks :) camera send to comp weeee X) gona tak lots of lots of lots of lots of pics!!

missing;11:53 PM

Thursday, July 12, 2007

about.

Scream of Pain

past.

merci.